Apocalypse

So. I survived 2012.

Whaddup.

But really, we all don't want to die. That's the last way i would want to spend my first day of christmas break. But really, the myans probably just predicted the world going to shit. Because that seems to be how things are working out lately. The shooting in Conneticut is the most ridiculous thing that i have ever heard. That guy was sooo messed up to have gone in a school that has had done nothing to him and shoot innocent children and heroic adults. Its hard to make sense of that. In my home town, there was a shooting two days after that at what we call the "Ghetto Dillons." Two police officers were shot and killed. The guy didnt even kill himself after, just hid. First of all, you are messed up to be able to shoot and kill someone. But if you can shoot and kill someone, and then choose to LIVE with the guilt... There are way more things wrong with you than imaginable.

Come on world, we are better than this..


Or are we?

-Alto.

Christmas Miracles.

I did it. He's trained. The kid is just nervous, i should have know. I would complain because I was always the one to compliment him and he would never return it. It was just me looking hopelessly in love and him responding with a " :)" which is RIDICULOUSLY hard to respond to, by the way.  But we went on our christmas date yesterday. We went to Winter Wonderland, the big christmas light drive thru. We went through and he gave me my present. He got me the soundtrack to my favorite broadway musical, flowers, and a card that meant more to me than anything. He grabbed the card, got red in the face, and said "Here, I'll read it to you.

"Since you are always fueling my big head, its time to return the favor. ****, you are so smart, funny, talented, pretty, nice, and you make me smile."

To which I responded in his card:
"Well, where to begin.. You are absolutely fantastic. You're beyond talented, incredibly funny, and insanely smart. How about them adjetives? :)Merry Christmas to the best boyfriend, singing partner, and the best best friend. You're the best."


After we got starbucks after the date and he took me home, I texted him thanking him for the gift and the date. I then said "You're the best. :)" because i always say that. And normally he says "haha." but this time, i got ":) No, you're the best." ...I could get used to this whole, relationship thing. :)

-Alto

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

Im in one of those places right now. Where I get to thinking. And when I get to thinking, problems are caused.
Him. He gets really awkward when he hugs me in public. He gets uncomfortable when he wants to hold my hand. He can never tell when he should be touching me or looking at me in fear that his "friends" will say something.
He got upset when i didnt wear his letter jacket, and he looked nervous when I was texting my really good friend Austin. So, it shows that he cares. At least... I think.

But last night we had a performance. I sang a song and had to find a dress for the performance. It took me forever to find the dress. I got TONS of compliments. Even from the guys in drama club. Everyone did. Everyone, but him. Everyone commented on my song and how it was a "high point" of the performance.. but him.

He is so open to telling Marya how much he likes me and how perfect this is, but the only thing he'll say to me is something someone said about us and "break a leg." Last night, he even let his ex-girlfriend to his make-up for the show. He didnt want to put any on, so Corey did it for him. They laughed and talked as I sat behind the skrim listening to them. Thats one of the things that make me uneasy.

-Alto

I'm the best.

So, as you know, I am in theatre. No, it's not a sport, but it takes a lot of hard work and determination.

I just finished doing Brecht's "A Good Woman of Setzuan." Brecht, for those of you who don't know, is an awesome playwright who's work is ...pretty difficult. I was fortunate enough to play Wong, the water seller. Yeah.... A boy. BUT that's not the point. We invited judges to come see our show so they could judge us and see if we could get to thespian conference. We didn't make conference, but we got our notes back today. All the leads got notes that were pretty critical. And then, he said my name. My heart was pounding like crazy... But what I got was unexpected. I... was the best. The best. Oh. My. God. All those comments were amazing. My only criticism was "The hat sometimes shadowed your very expressive  face." MY LIFE WAS MADE. I love theatre. My head is SO BIG RIGHT NOW. K, that's all. :)

-Alto

Here's to the kids...

here's to the kids who want someone to call theirs.

here's to the kids who are afraid of being rejected so they never take that extra step. 

here's to the kids who stay up late at night & think about what they could of done that day. 

here's to the kids who act like they don't care sometimes but it's just because they're afraid of getting hurt. 

here's to the kids who feel like they're growing up too fast. 

Here's to you, let's raise a toast. 

-Alto

Butterflies

When he says my name, my stomach starts to hurt. When he smiles at me, I feel like I can't breathe. When he talks to me, absolutely nothing else in this world seems to matter. Knowing that he is going away soon scares me. He's going to college, I'm going into junior year.

-Alto

Ladies and Gentlemen..

Theres a girl. No... Not just a girl. There is this girl who has dreams bigger than life itself. Living smack dab in the middle of the United States, you don't find many of those. Gabby is her name. She's a blonde punk, and I love her. If i ever have anything I need to talk about, she is there to listen. And the best part is anything she needs to talk about, I listen. We aren't those friends that just want to brag about the latest news or vent about our average lives, we truly care about each other. We just get each other. I have never met someone that I have clicked with so well. The funny part is, we don't really have that much in common. Just our dreams and our look on life. Which is enough. She's one special girl, that Gabby.

-Alto

Pinch me. I'm dreaming.

Hi.. That boy. You know... The one who remains nameless, but from my posts, you know everything about? Yeah, he's mine. :) I never thought that he would actually ask me, but guess what... He did. I have a boyfriend. And he's perfect. I'm super happy. So happy, in fact, that I'm speechless... And until I can stop smiling, I'm leaving it at that.

-Alto

"I'll become a catholic when i see one."

So, i am a catholic. I go to a catholic high school and before that i went to a catholic elementary school. And heck, before that i went to a catholic pre-school. I sing at church with a guy that is the exact same.

I go to a catholic high school where the kids are phenomenal. Around adults, they are awesome. They'll open doors for them, offer to carry stuff, and just be all around good kids. But the real problem is how they are around their peers.

Being raised in a catholic school, i was raised to believe that drugs are HORRIBLE, alcohol is for adults, and sex.. Well, nobody talked about it. But now going into high school, only a handful of my friends are virgins and a lot of the rest of them has had a boyfriend (which isnt bad, but i just haven't yet.)

I have big dreams. Dreams bigger than anything some people can imagine.  I will NOT, I REFUSE, to risk any of them. I will not do any of the above.

I have a problem. Because i am catholic, but sometimes i just think that there is a God. But.. is he really going to deny me heaven if i dont go to church for one sunday compared to someone who doesnt go at all. I know there is that Purgatory thing, but really.

What the title of this says is "I'll become a catholic when i see one." Its a quote from someone important that i wasnt paying attention long enough to hear. But its true. Going to church and saying you're catholic is like if i stood in a garage and called myself a car. There are so many rules that go along with Catholicism. Rules that make me feel like I am a prisoner. I love the God that I know, but every time i screw up, I feel hated.

Being catholic should be like a group. A group of people that aren't in it so they can call themselves catholic, but to go around and be the best they can be. Accept the people you would normally make fun of. Be the person you want to be. Dont leave it as "The person I want/mean to be."


-Alto

That's it!

I have a pretty great life. Its pretty easy going. And i think i figured out why I get made fun of sometimes..

Too many people grow up.

Now i understand. When we were younger, everything was awesome. Christmas couldn't come soon enough and we cried because our friend broke that pinky promise over who got the stickers. Everything was so simple. Now, Christmas is just another day we get something we don't really need and girls steal boyfriends, not stickers. I don't know why we all grow up. I catch myself acting mature sometimes, and i immediately stop. What's the use? Go outside. Dance. Sing. Play a game. Kick around a ball. Do something and i promise you'll get this amazing perspective that i am getting to discover now. :)

Have fun.

-Alto

Some Nights- FUN

This is such a great song with an amazing video! To me, this is one of those rare albums that tells a story I actually find compelling. With that in mind, the song Some Nights should be considered within the context of the larger Some Nights album. To me, the album is a battle cry for those of us who feel like we are getting a raw deal by the powers that be and are ready for a change. The establishment has made a mess of things and the younger generation needs to rise up and make it right. I see that represented lyrically in the lines about the nephew (born into some screwed up circumstances and we owe it to our children to do better) and visually in the video where the younger Union soldier kills the older Confederate soldier (righting the ship will have very real, very human consequences, but it must be done). Those concepts are sprinkled throughout the whole CD, much like Green Day's American Idiot. Different music for a different time, but equally compelling. Love it!

 Here are the lyrics.

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw

Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure, what I stand for oh oh oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh

This is it, boys, this is war, what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype,
Save that for the black and white I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,
But here they come again to jack my style

That's alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
Stops my bones from wondering just who I, who I, who I am, oh who am I, mm, mm

Well some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know (come on)

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?
No. When I see stars, when I see stars, that's all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on
Oh, come on, oh, come on, oh come on!

Well that is it, guys, that is all, five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This is not one for the folks at home, I'm sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called "love"
But when I look into my nephew's eyes,
Man you wouldn't believe, the most amazing things, that can come from,
Some terrible nights, ah (oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh)

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh

The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance, oh
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance, oh

-Alto

..Bitches

Weight.

Looks.

Shoe size.

Hobbies.

Why do we worry about this random stuff?   I judge. I do. But never to the point where i would say horrible life ruining things about them. Being in theatre, i encounter extremely strange people all the time. I've been with people talking about killing themselves, coming out of the closet, everything. All things that people are going to get made fun of because society is fucked.

Who do these people think they are? When i am around them, nothing makes sense. Who are you to judge that person over there? I know i am getting all catholic on ya'll, but REALLY.

Think about those people in the movies that you just look at and say "Oh my gosh, what a bitch!" Think of that, times 10. That is what you are doing. Nothing will ever justify that. Words hurt, i know. Please. Stop. 

"Hey, that girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. 
That girl you just called ugly? She spends hours on her hair and makeup so YOU will look at her.
That boy you just tripped? He gets abused enough at home. 
That guy you made fun of for crying? His mother is dying.
Put a stop to abuse and bulling/cyberbullying."

-Alto

Theatre Kid Problems.

I have been doing theatre for a very long time and it has really become a passion of mine.
Im also a sophomore in high school that thinks way too much about my future. Im already looking into colleges. The only reason is because theatre isnt really reliable. Especially since I'm not... well... the best actress in the world. I went through a phase where i thought i was. But, i really am not. It's pathetic. It is also embarrassing.
BUT i need to find something to "fall back" on. Which really makes everything seem so real now. And difficult. I have no idea what to do now. And its really driving me insane. I do not understand why I am worrying about it now, but everything seems so scary now. Sigh.

-Alto

Crushy Crush Crush.

There is this boy at my school who I've basically known all my life. I never really noticed or talked to him until last year, though. But now, I realize that he's perfect. He does theatre and music, which leads all the assholes that go to my school to think that he is gay.. But i know he isnt. Hes everything that i could hope for in a guy. And i know hes different. Hes not the "different" as in im making up an excuse so i can give him a chance "different." Hes different as in not like every other guy at my school. Not that every guy is a "player" or whatever, I am talking about personality. Looking him in the eyes makes me think more and more that i have found "him." And i really hope that it can happen sometime soon.

Sigh. I like him.

-Alto

High School

Before, I had always dreamed of high school. I was ready for it to be the best time of my life. But boy, what i got was completely unexpected. I go to a catholic school where sports matter the most out of anything. If you are in drama or music, you can consider yourself neglected. Since drama and music are the only things i truly care about, I should have switched schools a while ago. Well, i did try to switch schools. I wanted to go to the biggest public school in town. I went to enrollment and got scared shitless. I mean... It was a beautiful school, but  late enrollment was like a room full of dirty teenage Honey Boo Boos. It was not pleasant. I got through the whole enrollment holding my tongue and when we were four people away from turning in the money to go to the school, I backed out. I couldnt do it. So, in other words, I'm a preppy bitch who is afraid of diversity. Sounds about right. I hate myself for it everyday. I wonder what it would be like if I would have just went.

-Alto