Sunday, April 28, 2013

April 28th

While having a panic attack in front of the entire cast was not on my to do list, it happened.

I hate feeling like I have to be exactly like those around. Those far more pretty and talented. It makes me sick, and I can't help it. Stress doesn't help either.

I want to be her. She knows how to do everything. She's amazing. I say horrible things about her, just to make myself feel better. Yes, she's rude to me, but she's what I want to be.

She's pretty, she plays piano, she's smart, she makes Corbin smile more than I do, she can do anything. And it's frustrating: being that girl behind her. Always behind her.

I just want to be better than her at something. Just once. ONCE.

Then everything will be better.
-Alto

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