Heartless.

You are an extremely cold hearted horrible human being. You're a bitch, that's what you are. You don't care about anyone but your untalented self. Why do you think you're so perfect? Because you are nowhere near perfect. I hope you get to college, and it slaps you in the face. You can't get places by putting everyone around you down. 

If you're gonna treat all the people who ACTUALLY PUT UP WITH YOU like shit, how do you expect any friends in the long run? You are the biggest hypocrite I have ever met in my life. 

You do not own the place. There are SO many people better than you. I have not met ONE person who has ever had something nice to say about you behind your back, and that's not an accomplishment. I hope you grow up old an unsuccessful. I would say have a nice life, but I wouldn't mean it. 

-Alto

Truth.

I get comfortable with people. Never have I been this comfortable, but here goes nothing.

The truth about Tori.

She's a girl. A girl who's got dreams. Lots of dreams. Big dreams. Little dreams. Stupid dreams. Silly dreams. And completely unreachable dreams. In other words: Im a mess.

I want to be a director. I've got my entire life planned out. All of it. From what college I want to go to, to where I'm going to retire. And what color tombstone I get.

But back to reality, I most likely won't get that. I have no idea what I'll do with myself. It's gonna suck.

But. For now, I need to surround myself with people who aren't gonna let me give up. But, in order to handle me, you're gonna need to be prepared. I'm not like the rest of the girls. There's something different about me, and I've got the rest of my life to figure out what that is. But I'm gonna need help.

This is really cheesy, but I just want to feel loved. I want to feel like I'm worth something to someone  instead of a place holder in someone's life until someone better comes along. I give a lot of love. Lots. Sometimes too much.

I want the best friend, the Prince Charming, and to live the dream. But, someone's gotta give me the chance.

-Alto

This is me.

I'm exhausted. Which always leads to a blog post. Ill probably end up deleting it after when I reread it and see how dumb I sound.

Well. It's taken me forever, and I mean forever, to come to this conclusion. But I am finally happy with who I've become. If I didn't do theatre, I would have taken a completely different path.. A path that... Um... Wouldn't have been good for me. But now I've surrounded myself with people who actually care about me and wouldn't let me do that. I have a really good life with a ton of amazing memories. I'm just.. Really happy. Really, truly.

Happy.


-Alto

Why

To me, you're perfect.

I hate when you criticize yourself so much. You should see you like I see you. Perfect. We have problems but I mean, who doesn't? You say that you're not threatened by the other people but the fact that you keep asking about it shows you care. Which you do, we both do.

This unnecessary blog was brought to you by sleep deprivation.
Alto

Stop.

I'm not a baby, don't treat me like one. I'm old for my age, always have been. I get myself  into trouble, but I know how to handle problems I've caused. So don't hold my hand, ill save myself for a change.

-Alto

Different.

There's something about me. I don't know what it is, but I know I'm different.

I'm not going to grow up and settle for nothing. I'm going to grow up and, even if I fail, I'm going for big. Nothing's going to stop me.

Nothing.

-Alto

If its the last thing I do.

I'm going to have to change. Here and now. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

I'm not like this. Never have been. But, something's wrong with me mentally. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to deal with ME.

Don't trust me. I'm not a good person. I try, but I don't succeed. I don't deserve you. You're the best thing to happen to me in a long time. You shouldn't even be able to look at me anymore.

I thought this was over. But here it begins... Again.


See you soon.
-Alto

"Cause somedays I think I'm dying, but I'm really only trying to get through for just another day."

What the hell am I supposed to do? Pretend like nothing's wrong. I'm not an idiot. Don't ever think that. You also should never underestimate me. You better not ever pull this again. I can't handle it. This will not end pretty.

Try me.

-Alto

There's just something in my eye..

Happy over thinking Monday. My favorite day of the week!

I love that I'm always happy and then with every amazing month or two, comes a couple crappy days. Yeah. I had a nice, easy day today that consisted of rehearsal where I just sit in rape hallway and barely talk to anyone since in not in any scenes. So yeah, that's not fun. But I came home and everything hit me at once.

Best part? My parents laughed... Happy Monday.

-Alto

Winners, losers.

Have you ever heard someone say "I'm winning at life!"? Well, it's true whether it makes sense to you or not. I am living my life exactly the way I want.

How?

Well, this girl a bunch of people don't like at my school just because she is a "nerd" texted me first when she was crying about this jerk in our class. Another reason is being 15 and your friends think you're innocent because you've only liplocked someone and they've done.. A lot.

The list is a long one, and I'm very proud of it.

-Alto

Sick to my stomach.

Marya, Corbin, Gabby;

I don't deserve you. You deserve so much better. I am a shitty friend who shouldn't be allowed to even call you my friend. You guys are good people. Really. Really. Really good people. This fight is my fault in the end. I love you guys.

-Alto

"Here I am, St. Valentine" (Thoroughly Modern Millie)

I like him. A lot. A lot. A looooot. That's ll I have to say right now.



-Alto

Wonder and perfection.

I wonder.

I wonder if people think of me a lot. Like, making me something more than what I think I am. Like someone who it tears them apart when I'm mad at them or someone who wants to stay up late just to talk to me. Someone who thinks im one of the prettiest or the funniest or the smartest. Someone who thinks highly of me when i dont.
I'm thinking anyone. Boy or girl. Sibling or someone of no relation. Am I someone people look at and think "Man, I wanna be like her."

I do this to a lot of people. I wonder if its returned..

-Alto

Feelings Schmeelings

I'm in a really good mood.

One of those moods where I realize how lucky I am. 

You. There are so many things I want to say to you. But I don't even know how to put it into words. You're wonderful. Fantastic. Great. : ) 

There. Now you can read this one instead of the really embarrassing ones from this summer. You know who you are. 

<3

-Alto

Deep breath.

I think that's what I needed. A night without talking to my family and not really texting anyone. The dad situation isn't better. But he's sick in bed so nothing had to be dealt with tonight. The guy that won't leave me alone is finally.. Leaving me alone. It was good to let me take a night to calm down. It made me truly appreciate everything right now. I've got amazing friends, an even more amazing boyfriend (not as great as Marya though), and an all around good life. It's gonna be okay.


-Alto

Monster

My dad is a monster.

He's made it very clear that I don't belong. I don't know how you can make your own daughter cry herself to sleep every night and not feel even an ounce of guilt.  He loves it. It's what feeds him. I can't handle it anymore. I'm at the breaking point. I need to stop makin myself sick every night. My parents forget that my room is directly below theirs and i can hear everyword.. How can my life be so wonderful and then I get home and it turns to shit?

What the hell am I gonna do?

-Alto

Horrible.

I hope you horrible people are satisfied.

You preach that society is cruel. Hell, you ARE society. You just want to push people off the cliff. You don't even think of the permanent damage! If I ever have to talk this girl out of hurting herself again, you're gonna regret that you ever said ANYTHING.

Sorry that this is like my 4th or 5th blog today but I'm pissed.

-Alto

The Show.

Im just a little bit caught in the middle.
Life is a maze. And love is a riddle.
I dont know where to go.
Can't do it alone, i've tried.
And i dont know why.

Slow it down.
Make it stop.
Or else my heart is going to pop.
Cause its too much.
Yeah, it's a lot.
To be something i'm not.

Im a fool, out of love.
Cause I just can't get enough.

I'm just a little bit caught in the moment.
I'm so scared. But i don't show it.
I dont know where to go.
It's bringin' me down I know.
I've got to let it go...
And just enjoy the show.


-Alto

Bad day.

First, i forgot my water bottle. Then, i forgot to shave part of my legs so i dry shaved them. (yes, i almost cried slash i did cry.) Oh and real problems..

But okay. Whatever.

I dont want to talk about all of it.. So ill just post a thought from this morning.

I am most definantely not the favorite. Ive had the most expected out of me since i was little. Its a bit overwhelming. I want to know why im not the favorite. Im the oldest, the smartest, i have the most friends, and ...I should just be my parents favorite. But my parents sure do a good job of letting me know that im not. Ugh. Thank God for showtunes. And popcorn. And Nicholas Sparks movies.

Thats all I need right now.

Basically, dont ever dry shave your legs. And if you do, stay home. Listen to Legally Blonde all day. Thats the only way to avoid a bad day.


-Alto

Marya.

Marya.

Oh, Marya.

Where to begin.

Theres this girl that ive been growing closer and closer to everyday since i met her. Shes the only person i can tell absolutely everything to and not be afraid of feeling judged afterwards. Shes a HUGE dork, so we're a perfect match. Shes cray cray. And i love it.

She's helped me out with everything. Anytime I have a problem, she is there to listen. She also jumps at the opportunity to help me with anything I need. Shes also one of the funniest people I have ever met.

I love her. And her alter ego, Maria. ;)

-Alto

Insecurities

There's a lot of things I don't like about myself.

I'm not pretty, skinny, or funny. I hate being surrounded by people who are. I also feel like crap knowing how talented a lot of my friends are. I'm never gonna measure up to these people. I've tried voice lessons, but they aren't helping. This sucks. Ill get over it eventually, though.

-Alto

Your own person

This is getting REALLY old. There is a girl at my school who thinks she's best friends with everyone and thinks everyone loves her when really everyone talks about her just as much as she talks about them. ANYWAY. She copies everything anyone does. She also completely changes personalities depending on who she is with. It is the most annoying thing in the world. Why can you not be your own person? Figure out who you are. You are the only you. Everyone else is ready taken.

Gosh. People these days.

-Alto

Crush 2.0

This kid. Man, this kid.

I like him.

A lot. A lot more thn expected, really. Weird how you can not know someone and within a year or two, they can mean so much to you.  I am weird, and I like catching the girls staring at him. Because I know that he likes me and they can't have him. I don't know what happened within these past couple days, but I like him even more then when it started. :)

-Alto

Secretless Victoria.

Well, there. Its out. Needed to be said.

I feel like a 10000lb brick was lifted off my shoulders.
Im feelin' great. How are you guys?

There's obviously people out there. You know, with 1,000 page views today and all. Geez.

-Alto

Waste.

Now, a lot of people know about my blog. So i cant say anything anymore...

Boyfriend, dont take any of these personally. It was me overthinking stuff. I might even delete them soon. Im sorry.

Everyone else, im not a crazy Jesus person, sorry. I just post catholic views sometimes. I treat this like a diary, so don't always expect me to completely come out and talk about it.


-Alto